Watch this space and we will update you with how well/badly our training is going! Please feel free to leave messages of support/encouragement below!!!
Thanks
Jamie, Wolfie and Alex
8th April
So….We thought we better start updating the blog with our progress ….
The reason that we have taken a while updating our training is that we have had a big delay with getting our bikes, which i won’t bore you with, but as such our training has been gym based (which it turns out is a doddle compared to racking up the miles on the roads!) and haven’t been out on the roads too much yet….that was until this morning……
Luckily I got my bike on Sunday (Wolfie’s should be arriving over the Easter break sometime) and so i have been exploring the streets between home (Putney) and Work (Gloucester Road), and for those of you who know London, that ain’t very far!
So, i decided to take myself off this morning from Putney, round Richmond Park and back up to Gloucester Road which is about 16 miles. It’s not 100 miles a day, admittedly, but it’s not too bad for before brekkie….It was actually, despite the sore legs, a genuinely lovely experience. I entered the Park as the sun was rising through the gloom and was surrounded by deer….not a bad way to start the day, especially in London.
See below for a couple of pics from this morning!
That’s all folks…..
Realisation hits about how far 100 miles a day actually is.....
Action shot of the deer....see the blurred foreground as i was "racing" through the park...
13th May
New member!
One of our great mates, Alex Mortimer is going to be joining us on our little jaunt down to St Tropez. Al was one of the original team, but for various reasons could not commit until now, he may regret it, but we are very glad that he has!
Al, unfortunately like me has been through a horrible time losing his sister, Jo to cancer and so will therefore be cycling in her memory. Please visit http://www.justgiving.com/alexmortimer/ to donate to Al’s nominated charity, The Marie Curie Nurses and to find out more about why he has decided to don his best Lycra and join us.
L-R. Alex, Jamie, Wolfie....(very fetching i think you'll agree)
We are taking on Box Hill this weekend so will update on how that goes next week…..
ps…We are now on Twitter http://twitter.com/london2sttropez, sign up and follow us to get all our thoughts and movements on the lead up to the trip and on the trip itself!
14th May
That photo doesn’t even look like me! I don’t wear glasses and that’s Wolfie’s ridiculous hat!
I do like the fact that even though it’s a black and white photo, you can still tell that Wolfie has rosie cheeks!!
Anyway, despite the choice of pic, thanks for including me on the website! AL
19th May
Right,
So…. I guess my offical training kicked off on Sat night, with the Walk the Walk – London Marathon Moonwalk. A nice stroll through the streets of this great city, in the cool night air, with friendly, scantily clad women!?! What could go wrong?
Errr….. Well for starters it was NOT a stroll! I thought it was good to start on the front row!! Nearly got stampeded by 17,000 power walking she-devils!! It was terrifying.
Picked up a blister on mile 6…. Yep!! MILE 6!!!! Are you kidding me? that’s another 20.2 miles of gradually tearing the underside of my feet away from my body.
Anyway, after 7hrs and 02mins, I am ready to quit walking and start cycling. I’m making so many ‘GOOD’ decisions at the moment…. How hard can it be?
6th June
Putney to Brighton again – seems to be quite a favourite. Not the traditional cycle route way, but through the villages and over some pretty hefty hills… seems to be doing well for the training. It’s all getting very serious now so the training has to be stepped up with some big cycles coming up in the next few months – will keep you updated.
Also – we are all going to a big Lycra sale in Gatwick tomorrow….mmmmmmmmm
J
On the run in to Brighton....
ughghghghhghh........
9th June
A big thanks to SIS (Science in Sport – http://www.scienceinsport.com/) for their support in offering us a 40% discount on their products throughout our training and all the way up to the end of Sept (when we hope to be celebrating in St Tropez!)! THANK YOU!
5th July
A successful cycle this morning involving all three of us for once – certainly more successful than the last time we were out on the road together, the results of which are best described by the pics below…
...it happened a little something like this with Jamie and Wolfie having front row seats..!
X-ray at Chelsea and Westminster thankfully showed "nothing remarkable", but i wasn't happy about their abbreviated version of my spectacular crash!
....but nothing a bag of frozen peas couldn't sort out...
Saturday 25th July
An enjoyable 4 hour cycle down to Brighton in our Lycra by Jamie and I on Saturday 25th July, NOT Saturday 1st August when our lycra theme may well have been even more appropriate due to a certain parade that was taking place that weekend amongst the Brighton “locals” and their supporting masses from far and wide… Wolfie flat out refused the trip a week later…
Sunday 2nd August
After getting over my disappointment of missing out on the trip back to Brighton, Wolfie and I took to the local safer cycle route that is Richmond Park – 3 hours of going round and around that one way and then the other felt pretty tough though… surely the Massif Central can’t be any tougher than “Test Hill” in Richy?!!?
Tuesday 4th August
A big day that I know The Wolf and The Hock had been especially looking forward to – the arrival of the matching Team London 2 St Tropez lycra (Spotlight sponsored, many thanks!)… Photo shoot with Putney Bridge as a backdrop for SW6 magazine was a dream come true for ex-models Wolfie (crash helmet modelling) and Jamie (glove modelling).
Nothing puts a smile on the face quite like a man wearing lycra (a rower that we stopped to assist us) taking a photo of 3 men all wearing lycra! (see below!)
The first outing of the London 2 St Tropez team lycra... a special day, and a very special photo!
Thursday 6th August
Wet weather training! A few laps of Richmond Park in the evening while all of August’s rain apparently fell in the space of 6 hours… hopefully the first and last time we’ll be cycling in such a torrential downpour, although it did mean that for once the usual sweat and tears associated with sprinting to the top of Kingston Hill had been washed from our faces!
Saturday 8th August
Our 100 mile day unfortunately didn’t quite turn out as planned… I think the tally finally stopped at 4 punctures for The Wolf – he’ll have to cut his claws before handling those inner tubes again!
As we wound our way out of London (via Halfords to pick up more inner tubes for Wolfie), the countryside of East Sussex that finally appeared became more and more colourful… as did Jamie’s language at the bottom of the numerous hills that we encountered…
The rolling route from Putney to our destination “somewhere south of Tonbridge Wells” (Wolfie’s directions!) was certainly a lot more challenging than the commutes to work / laps of Richmond Park / Brighton trips that we have taken on to date, especially towards the end… not that Wolfie had much trouble at all at that point as the VW Golf (that he was now a passenger in along with his flat wheeled bike) didn’t seem to have too many issues with the especially hilly last 5 miles!
After a very timely and utterly delicious BBQ lunch and rest break, we gladly settled in for the afternoon with our extremely generous hosts. We played a few games of boules / pétanque (practice for mixing with the locals en France!) before putting our feet up and watching England capitulate in the Ashes – even that was a welcome break as we put the return cycle journey to farthest recesses our minds!
Given the epic outbound ride, the flat tyres encountered, the fast approaching dusk and Wolfie’s desire to catch a lift in a second mechanically powered machine of the day, we opted for a return journey by train to Orpington before jumping back on our (now) trusty two-wheeled steeds for the final 20 miles or so back to Putney…
With renewed vigour from our energy filled bellies, a very healthy pace was picked up by Wolfie and Jamie from our starting point in Kent back into the more familiar (and considerably flatter) territory of South London.
“Head for the Sunset!” was Wolfie’s cry as he motored westward and homeward bound (this time by means of the reinvigorated energy of his own pedal power!) – I wasn’t sure if this was because he realised that we were into the home straight, or if he had suddenly realised that he was in Brixton, on a bicycle, as darkness approached, stopped at traffic lights with his badge all too accessible in his pannier atop his spare lycra!?
A very long, very tiring day of 7 hours in the saddle finally reached a very satisfactory end – 4 punctures repaired, numerous hills conquered, Wolfie escaping from Brixton and all of us making it home in one piece (despite the efforts of a certain white van man!)… after that, our first 100 mile day can wait ’til next time…
Tues 11th August
A 6am start for a couple of laps of good old Richmond Park… again…
Judging by today, Jamie is definitely not a morning person and neither are Wolfie or I particularly… in the end though, a good ride by us all nonetheless… let’s just hope that we don’t have the need for too many early starts a six heures du matain as we make our way across France – une pain au chocolat ou un croissant pour le petit dejeuner may at least lighten the mood on those occasions though!
Weds 12th August
A 5.30am start and three laps of Richmond Park from The Wolf this morning – The Hock was at physio and I was in bed, oops… Well done The Lone Wolf!
Twiit-Twooo!! (that’s meant to be a wolf whistle by the way… but is aimed at the kit design below, NOT at Wolfie!!). A huge thank you must go out to Dorothee Olivereau for all of her time and effort working on the below designs for us!
Who'd have thought that lycra could get SO sexy?!!? Our stunning Spotlight sponsored kit!
PS Whilst we’re thanking wonderfully creative people for their help, time and effort, a big thank you must go out to Phan Tu for designing the front cover of this website and our logo too! Thank you Phan Tu!
Saturday 15th August
8:56am… Text from Wolfie: “Gonna head out in about 15-20, will be in the park for a few hours, so just come up whenever. Cool?”
Jamie and I both agreed that this was indeed “cool”… as in “a good idea”, not actually “cool”!
9:26am… Phonecall from Wolfie: “I’m on my way to A&E…!!”
Not the best start to the weekend for the Wolf to say the least…
Because neither Jamie nor I had even mounted our bikes to go and meet Wolfie yet, we only have bystanders’ statements to go by, but we are told that it happened a little something like this…
PS from his own account(s!) of the incident, we have determined that Wolfie is an unreliable witness, as such his statements are inadmissible…
PPS seeing as I couldn’t find a single pic. (amongst the million-trillion-gazillion of photos amongst google images / on the internet!) of anyone playing with their stopwatch whilst cycling without either hands on the handlebars, the bloke with the brolly is probably the best comparison with what actually happened to Wolfie!
The result for the unfortunate Wolf was a dislocated shoulder (… and severe bruising from the inverted impact on his bum bag / fanny pack!!)
I'm sure I've seen this pose somewhere before... Hock, don't you dare try for one of your own!!
FYI Wolfie will be only too happy to sign copies of the *** as yet unpublished but safely stored and readily available *** topless / oxygen mask / lycra short / hospital treatment room photo from Saturday in exchange for charitable donations on Friday evening! 
Following news of Wolfie’s accident, Jamie and I decided to try to keep ourselves positive and our minds off (the dangers of) cycling by accepting a last minute invitation to play a game of 20Twenty cricket instead of going for a training cycle… Jamie was out for a golden duck, and my legs are still aching from a mere 20 overs of wicket keeping… well done us, great call!
Sunday 16th August
One man down and with desperately weary legs (it turns out that Hock’s tendonitis does not take well to cricket either!), we headed out towards England’s very own Mont Ventoux… Surrey’s “Box Hill”!
Now, given the events of the day before, it may appear harsh for the pair of us to be looking so pleased with ourselves in this pic… it was certainly nothing to do with the absence of Mr Wolf, and was only partially due to Jamie’s “hat hair” and the dead fly on the end of his schnozzle – it was however almost entirely to do with the fact that we had managed somehow to “summit” Box Hill without even really knowing that we had made it to the top!
Jamie’s expert navigation had led us around the back and right to the peak from such an angle that we had basically been climbing for the last few miles and had avoided the usual wiggly windy cycle route up Box Hill via it’s Zig Zag Road… please, please, please let him be able to repeat this wizardry in France’s Massif Central region!!
After a moment’s deliberation, a lot of laughter and this photograph, we decided that it was only right to freewheel down (past some 50 to 100 cyclists coming up the “normal route”), before a quick u-turn at the bottom and a very satisfactory, steady ascent that took us both a bit by surprise when we re-summited again so soon…
The freewheel back down a second time felt like it carried us much of the way back to London town, via a timely refreshment break in Thames Ditton (many thanks to Mr and Mrs Mortimer for their kind hospitality!).
Box Hill, done. GET WELL SOON WOLFIE!!
Tuesday 18th August
Living and breathing cycling at the moment, here are just a few thoughts that Jamie has felt passionate enough about to put to music…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vn29DvMITu4&feature=player_embedded
… interpretive dance to follow no doubt… quite possibly at the fundraiser on Friday…
Wednesday 19th August
My cycling goods ordered online finally arrive, excellent!
… or not… the white cycling top I’ve ordered to match Wolfie and Hock’s arrives and would even be too small for any one of the seven dwarves… cycling cap arrives as a small plastic waterbottle instead! How am I supposed to balance that on my bald noggin to keep the sun’s rays at bay whilst pedalling down to the South of France!?
Don’t you just love the (in)convenience of internet shopping!
Thursday 20th August
One day to go before our fundraiser, and we have no sound system or PA!
OOPS!
On a positive note, the shirts have arrived back from the printer and look awesome! Modelled below by (former glove model) “Jamie Hockin I’m Just Too Good Lookin’“…
Are you really wearing lycra in the office now Jamie?! And photographing yourself!!?!??
... you really are aren't you... very good of you to flex / tense, just so we can read all the details, obviously...!!
If this website had sound, I know what song Jamie would want it to be playing right now (with my slightly changed lyrics below)… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ
I’m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I’m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
St Tropez and Japan
And I’m too sexy for East Putney
Too sexy for East Putney
Yes I’ll be disco dancing
I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
I’m too sexy for my bike too sexy for my bike
Too sexy I liiike (a la Jamie Hockin Borat impression! Cummon, anyone who knows him has heard it!)
And I’m too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that (have you SEEN Jamie in a hat!!??)
I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I’m too sexy for this song
… Sound system sorted, phew!… derr-der-der-der-der-der-derr… too sexy by faarrrr…
Friday 21st August is FUNDRAISER FRIDAY!!
AAARRRGGGHH! Very nervous but very hopeful all goes well – a HUGE THANK YOU TO WOLFIE from Jamie and I for all of his hard work in organising this event, brilliant effort, thanks buddy!!
ps if it goes wrong, you know who to blame… joke!
Saturday 22nd August
9am – Awake to huge relief that the fundraiser seemed to go well… the massive pile of cash seems to bolster our confidence…
9.30am – Farlow Road’s “Hotel Hockin” closes it’s doors for the last time… for now…
10.30am – Hudsons for breakfast… MMMmmmmmm… we resist the temptation to pay for this using the brand-newly established “petty cash draw”!
11am – cricket, cricket, cricket…
10pm – cricket highlights…
11pm – bedtime…
Sunday 23rd August
Round and round Richy Park for the Hock and I, still pretty worn out from the fun and games of Friday evening and “Hotel Hockin” (it was Putney’s very own Faulty Towers on Friday night!), but our spirits were raised when another cyclist randomly asked Jamie and I “so, when’s your trip then?”… It was at this point we both recalled that we were in matching lycra with our website printed across our butts – this chap had clearly been admiring the website, or our aforementioned backsides and the rest is history! Branded lycra all the way from here on out!!
ENGLAND REGAIN THE ASHES, WOO HOO!!
Monday 24th August
Thanks SO MUCH to everyone who came along on Friday for our fundraiser and made it such a success!
We are yet to tally up everything accurately but appear to be a few thoushand squids to the good for our 2 charities (The Candlelighters and Marie Curie Cancer Care) which we are absolutely thrilled about!!
Full update to follow, but thanks again!!
PS We also had our first “random” donations from a reader of SW magazine, THANK YOU JAMES LEEK, hugely appreciated!!
Monday 24th August – evening…
After final collections of cash from behind the bar, the tally from Friday’s fundraiser appears to be almost exactly £3000 to be split between the 2 charities!! Thank you SO much once again to all who attended, purchased raffle tickets, waved your hands in the air like you just DID care for the auction and drank for charity to your hearts content (… some more than others, but I’m mentioning no names… yet!)!
A huge thanks must also go out to the London Rowing Club for all of their help in making the evening run as smoothly as it did, and also to Purple Grape for their wonderfully delicious canapes (the seared tuna was my favourite, obviously!), as well as their extremely attentive and helpful staff. (http://www.purplegrapecatering.co.uk/).
Amazing job each and every one of you! Thank you!!
Several of our guests also commented on our choice of bouncers / doorstaff – thank you very much indeed to the Lovely Laura and Enchanting Emily for making our punters part with their ca$h so happily and readily upon arrival!
Photos and a few comments from the fundraiser to follow…!!! Bribes are positively encouraged to prevent images you may not wish to be posted being uploaded… all proceeds to charity, naturally!
Tues August 25th
Jamie rather over enthusiastically suggested getting a date in the diary for this weekend for the leg waxing as promised at the sale of raffle tickets on Friday… Miss Gill, the first footage for your video blog / camcorder win in the auction may well be fast approaching – I’ll make sure it’s recorded in HD!
On another note, an exciting day today as our Garmin should be in the post (sat-nav for bikes) and can’t arrive too soon as far as I’m concerned – now we just have to teach it how to speak French!
A huge thank you to our sponsors Langrish Rose and Spotlight for this invaluable bit of kit!
PS If only the Wolf had this little Garmin gizmo strapped to his handlebars 2 weekends ago… Special features – “Auto Lap® automatically starts a new lap each time you pass a specified location or travel a preset distance…”… not even 1 hand would have had to leave the handlebars!!
PPS How’s the unicycling going Wolf, coming along since the last effort around Barnes Common (below)?!
Saturday 29th August
Garmin’s first trip – a jolly on a well trodden path down to, you’ve guessed it, Brighton! A familiar route upon which to test out the directions that our little gizmo gave us… we soon ignored it’s continual insistence that we had gone the wrong way, tuned out from it’s incessant beeping, and enjoyed a pretty satisfactory trip down to the South coast with a slight detour to take on Box Hill en route…
On plugging the Garmin into a laptop upon our return, we were hit by a tsunami of information – speed, distance, elevation, calories burnt, wrong turns made, stops to pee by the side of the road, all meticulously plotted on to a map of precisely where we had just been – truly astounding! If only we could work out how to get it to tell us where to go before setting out!!?? We’ll add that to the “to-do list”…
Saturday afternoon, Happy Birthday Corporate Sponsor Ben! Daddy to both our Garmin Gizmo and (perhaps) more importantly daddy to the brand new Bertie Seale!! Congratulations Ben and Carla!! Happy Birthday also to Angy!
Sunday 30th August
Garmin takes us to Windsor and back… via Gatwick / Heathrow / Luton airport!?! Who knows which one it really was, but I’m pretty certain it wasn’t he quickest way!!Anyway, I’ll forgive it as it did at least get us off the M25 pretty swiftly – the very least it could do after seemingly sending us on there in the first place!
Perhaps I should take this as a hint to stop referring to the Garmin as “Gizmo”, maybe it’s being taken over by a Gremlin or two?!?
Has our Garmin Gizmo got Gremlins?!
Fish n’ chips for lunch in Windsor was perhaps the highlight of the day, it certainly cheered Mr Hockin up a bit and gave us a well needed boost of energy… cycling across the airport runways (that’s how it felt anyway!) and the “A road” approach back into Hammersmith were definitely not highlights…
Monday 31st August… Bank Holiday Monday!! Oh yeah!!
Fun fun, fun… OR… more cycling…
Today, we discovered that Garmin, like us, feels safe in Richmond Park. After an eventful trip along the North Embankment of The Thames into London (involving a bit of a run in with a minicab turning left without indicating and “total gridlock” caused by some broken traffic lights at Tower Bridge – causing us both to run our first red lights… honest!), The Hock and I panicked at the sight of a signpost pointing towards “Dover“! We took this as a sign to head back in precisely the opposite direction ASAP along the South Bank for a few laps of good old Richy Park… it’s fast becoming our safety blanket!
Who would ever have any reason to go to Dover (of all places) anyway?!? EEK!
3 cycle days back to back… Legs still work… Encouraging…
Tuesday 9th September
Wolfie is due to finally get his bike back from the repair shop today!! Woo Hoo!!
Tuesday evening… Right, so, the day that the Wolf us supposed to mount up again for the first time in three and a half weeks, and his girlfriend Laura goes flying over the handlebars this time! Unlike Wolfie, who’s accident was caused by hitting “nothing”, Laura was knocked off by a white van man… the first non-self-inflicted accident of this blog!!
Thankfully, whilst badly bumped and bruised, she is “fine”, relatively speaking, is equipped with this season’s must have, “a sling”, and despite reports flying around her (very supportive!) office, there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that the white van that crashed into her was written off by the accident!!
Get well soon Laura! We hope that the sprained shoulder makes a speedy recovery! Naturally, I’ve included the pic below, especially as I simply don’t understand where the huge block of Swiss cheese came from!? Thank god they managed to get your head out of it!!
Was the van delivering to a deli!? Where did the cheese come from!?
Wednesday 10th Sept to Friday 11th Sept
The Wolf takes a few more days to himself, well and truely off the bike… quiet time, mostly spent caring for the injured Laura and wondering if cycling is really for him!!??
Saturday 12th Sept
A big, big day – The Wolf is back! And where else would we set a Wolf free to find his feet / paws again after a month in the wilderness… that’s right, the Wolf is back on the prowl in Richmond Park!!
Now, maybe I imagined it, but the deer (and the bunny rabbits) seemed to keep their distance that day – perhaps it was their inbuilt animal instincts letting them them know that something special was afoot… perhaps their sixth sense cried out to warn them that The Wolf, the very top of the food chain, was back to mark out his own territory again… perhaps there was just something in the air, to me, it smelt like fear!
… Then again, perhaps it was purely because they had all previously had front row seats at his last outing / performance in the park and they knew that he was capable of conjouring up an horrific self-induced accident from thin air – far more dangerous and unpredictable than any predator amongst them or any vehicle on the road for that matter!!
Whatever the reason, they just stood back and looked on from afar, and I hope that they were as impressed as The Hock and I were – whatever training Wolfie has managed in that armchair / recumbent bike in the gym (while watching sky sports, reading Grazia magazine and chatting to the housewives either side of him) it seems to have done him the power of good! Perhaps the lack of distraction from triathlons (purely due to their incompatibility with his dislocated shoulder recuperation!) may also have played a part too!
Sincerely though, good work Wolf, we weren’t sure you’d make it back on a bike at all after your crash, well done buddy…
Pic of that first ride back below… No guts no glory!!
Great to have you back in the saddle Wolfie!
Sunday 12th Sept
Box Hill and back with the Wolf… Who’d have thought it 4, 3 or even 2 weeks (or days!!) ago, a pic of Wolfie and I atop Box Hill… Yep, those may well be tears of joy in my eyes!
Good work The Wolf!!
Wolfie, aka Box Hill Information Point...!
High point of the day – a question from a stranger / serious looking cyclist suddenly flew our way directed to the fully kitted out Wolfie “hey man, do you know the way to the Legs of Steel route?”!!!!?! I mean cummon!! What a comeback from the Wolf! It’s only day 2 of the real life comeback on a real life bike on real life roads and a total stranger, an experienced looking cyclist (no less!) is basically calling The Wolf “Legs of Steel”!!
Now, I’ve been giving this some thought, his arms may well have shrunk over the last month of inactive upper body gym work / no swimming training for the triathlons while his dislocated shoulder recovered, but have they shrunk enough to make his legs (in comparison) look like “Legs of Steel”?!?
Truly amazing!
Good work the Wolf! Although, come to think of it, any 4 legged animal with metal legs riding a bike does sound like a recipe for disaster, but I digress… I’m sure the strange cyclist wasn’t hurling an insult your way… why would he be mocking you, he couldn’t have known how you crashed in Richmond Park for example?!
Anyway… “do you know the ascent height of the climb?” another serious looking cyclist / complete stranger asks Wolfie!!
It’s his first time up here!
He doesn’t even know where he is!!
I just about manage to stifle a laugh / half drowning on the water I’ve just inhaled! Happy days! This is what it’s all about! All the gear… etc…
Wolfie, sheer brilliance! You’ve come back double strength and clearly look the part, good old “Metal Legs Wolfman”!
What!? I just think it rings true a little better than “Wolfie, Legs of Steel”! Just my opinion… Unless the stranger was perhaps refering to Douglas Badar riding a bike…?!?!
Monday 14th September
Please welcome to the team our newest corporate sponsor – Joel Baseley of Rampton Baseley!
Joeley has been very keen to support us since Jamie’s first conception of the trip but it has taken a little while to identify the most apt way that he could do so…
Whilst belting out some tunes over dinner (as only Joel can) one evening last week, a flash of inspiration hit me – we’re missing a musical, motivational component for our trip! Headphones are too dangerous, blocking out all traffic noise and with dangling wires to potentially get tangled in, and we still really need to be able to communicate with one another – if only we could take Joel’s musical essence with us, somehow bottle his very gusto and invigorating being to simply release and unleash it when musical motivation could keep us going through those tough times – all without the necessity and impracticality of having Jukebox Joeley himself mounted on the handlebars!?
There was only one thing for it, a hardcore gadget search on ‘tinternet! The perfect solution presented itself in all it’s awesome multi purpose MP3 / weatherproof speaker / practical (it’s a torch too!) / handlebar mounted glory! A HUGE thanks to Rampton Baseley and Jukebox Joeley for making this happen!!
Bicycle light / MP3 / BOOM BOX!!
Jukebox Joeley
Tuesday 15th September
The Fixer (as he’s been asked to be called) comes through yet again!! Following today’s delivery, we really do now have all the gear… I think I’ll leave the rest of that well known saying out, time will tell just how much idea we have!
Mr Seale has somehow, through his “contacts”, produced 3 pairs of Oakley Jawbone glasses – the same as the ones worn by Lance Armstrong during the Tour de France this year. Technically superb and with anti-fog lenses and vents, they are also branded with Livestrong / Lance Armstrong Foundation’s detailing – an amazing charitable foundation (http://www.livestrong.com/) set up to fight cancer in as many ways as it possibly can. Truly inspirational stuff. Awesome work from The Fixer, thank you once again… you are now on speed dial as our 1st Emergency Service!
Needless to say, we do not look quite as good as the man himself does in his glasses below!
This is not Wolfie, nor Jamie, nor I... this is a real cyclist!
Wednesday 16th September
You may well have noticed that I have neglected to mention The Hock for a little while… well, there is a story behind that and it’s been on a kneed to know basis for a while… the training front has been pretty tough for Jamie of late, tendonitis being the most painful of reasons. Jamie has also found himself the butt of other jokes regarding another ailment, mostly very poorly timed bum jokes from myself – I now realise I’ve been a bit rash in my gag telling, it’s a sore topic, I’ll try not to crack any more jokes about it… starting from now…
Confidence is returning following Hock’s trip to the physio this morning when he recommended replacing the gaffa tape currently used to treat the tendonitis, with the wee, inconspicuous lil’ bit of kit below…
Inspirational / motivational new bionic leg!
All I can say is, if Hockin’s legs end up looking like the legs in the knee brace, I think Wolfie and I may have just found a little more motivation to keep us chasing the bionic Hockin leg all the way to St Tropez!
PS is it me, or is her lycra a bit tight!? (if that’s possible for lycra!)
Weds 16th Sept @ 10pm - TV turned off, lights turned out, told to brush my teeth and sent to bed early by Mr Hockin… apparently “we have a big bike ride ahead of us on Sunday”!!
Thursday 18th September
Jamie's Facebook status says it all... it's time to get serious!!
Friday 19th September
All roads lead to St Tropez… at least they had better, the French component of our Garmin seems to have gone walkabout during the postal strike!
Sacre bleu… Mon dieu!… PUTAIN LE MERDE!!
Fortunately, Wolfie can call upon his natural instincts to navigate our way there by moonlight…
... must remember the lights for the bikes though...
Sunday, 21st September
So, the day finally came. People said it would, but to be honest it came much quicker than any of us could have imagined.
Do you know the way to St Tropez, do-do-do-do-dooo?! (just sing it!)
9am we departed from the Spencer Arms in Putney where a few friends and family had met to send us off… Thank you to them as it was 9am on a Sunday morning (!!)… Especially Henry as it looked like he hadn’t much sleep… Good lad.
So off we went, blazing down The Lower Richmond Road, over Putney Bridge and down Embankment, spirits are high, feeling fit, smiles on faces….. Things are looking good.
Things are going well up to lunchtime, 50 miles done and a quick stop to re-fuel, spirits still high.
That is until we hit the North Downs, fuckarama …… That is some tough terrain and it didn’t start to get really tough until we had about 75 miles under our belts! Things weren’t helped by the fact that we went ‘slightly’ wrong a couple of times, the favourite of these moments was when we had climbed an incredibly long steep hill to hit the ‘single lane’ part of the A2…. Which, in fact, turned out to be a busy dual carriageway going the wrong way!!
So, using our best Kentish we asked for directions, which to cut a long story short sent us in the wrong direction by 5 miles, which normally isn’t the end of the world, but in this terrain could be anywhere between 20 mins and 4 hours!
Once we realised we had gone a rye we stopped to check directions at “The Duck Inn” where Wolfie piped up “Do you think this is a B&B… Maybe we should… Ermmm… do you think they’ve got any rooms free… what do you think…?!”!! Needless to say, we didn’t, but I can assure you we we’re all tempted!
“Puncture gate” continues with the unfortunate Mr Wolf, but a quick 10 minute team effort made sure we didn’t lose too much time!
So, after a few more of the North Downs’ finest hills, we rocked in to Dover about 6:30pm, about 90 mins later than hoped. Hey ho, not the end of the world and a great test of strength, both physical and mental today!
Knee watch – all ok today, £130 worth of knee brace seems to be doing the trick… and copious amounts of pain killers!!!
Should arrive in calais at 10PM local time, so until tomorrow we will bid you adieu / a demain / whatever…
Monday, 21st September
Day 2 report.
2 punctures. 1 at 8PM at dusk, with 20k’s to go therefore we did our last 45 mins in the pitch black… Which was… Errrm… Interesting.
Knee watch… Well let’s just say that today was not a good day for the knee. Jamie may have to get used to cycling with 1 leg…..
11 hours in the saddle today has made us all pretty shattered (as I write this the Wolf is already snoring!) so I’m afraid this is a short update from us today…
Paris bound tomorrow, let’s just hope we get there before 9PM!
Tuedsday, 22nd September
Well, what a couple of days we’ve had…!!
Day 3… Departed Amiens after taking our hotel to the cleaners on the enforced “all inclusive” brekkie… Jamie was heavily laiden with pain au chocolats, which would become too much of a temptation for Wolfie all too soon!! Does this man have no fear as he laughs in the face of danger / his wheat intolerence!
A good morning as we found our way into some pretty stunning countryside (thankfully no repeats of “La Rue Des Sept Valleys” to freak us out again, as had happened yesterday!).
On passing through the first town for an hour or so, we stopped at a supermarket to stock up on essentials – water, Smurf shaped Haribo sweets and some baguettes and pasta for Wolfie…
It was at this point that Wolfie revealed the extent of his “slight nose bleed” that had started when he had blown his snout some 2 miles previous. Jamie was at the checkout with Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Kiddies Starmix and some cous cous when I legged it past him screaming for some frozen petits pois (our emergency medical kit of choice)!
The torrent had slowed to a mere gushing by the time I returned, and thankfully the peas worked their magic over the next few minutes to stem the flow. Panic over, colour returned to Wolfie’s face / cheeks, and we knew he was out of the woods.
Phew! Only 45 miles to go and we’re in Paris !! Eeek!
Little did we realise the much bigger issue ahead of us. Paris is a nightmare to cycle in to… Don’t ever do it… If you have done it, well done, but I don’t want to know how… Just like Derren Brown predicting the lottery last week, there MUST be a trick to it, but I don’t want to know! Please never mention it again… Please also do not mention the 3+ hours spent trying to get to the suburb of Saint Cloud…
… Our wonderful hosts, Jamie’s relatives Rosie, Nick and (their lovely daughter) Joanna, welcomed us with open arms despite our excessive tardiness and despite us gatecrashing Nick’s birthday!
Amazingly generous hospitality, delicious lasagne (homemade by Nick no less, or a little Italian friend of his, perhaps), Leeds (Hock’s team) Vs Liverpool (Nick and Joanna’s team) on the TV, spectacular view across Paris to the Eiffel Tower, 3 helpings of lasagne – perfect end to put right a bit of a hellish afternoon! Rosie, Nick, Joanna, Thank you so much for making us so welcome!
Just to prove we really did go through Paris, the unmistakable, unforgettable, square sunrise... oh, and the Eiffel Tower! (Spectacular View from Nick & Rosie's appartment)
PS NOTE TO ALL OUR VOCAL ONLINE SUPPORTERS – REALLY GREAT HEARING YOUR COMMENTS ON HERE / FACEBOOK, REALLY IS SPURRING US ON!
Thank you all!!
Wednesday, 23rd September
Day 4… One thing almost as tricky as getting in to Paris by bicycle, is trying to vet out of Paris by bicycle!
Having opted not to cycle into the centre of Paris this morning to “do” the Champs Elysee, both because Hock’s knee is no longer in shape condusive to his Mark Cavendish impression, and because The Wolf was desperate to visit a French cycle shop (he’s now sponsored by The Michellan Man and was also able to replace his worn out cleats on his shoes – he can explain the reasoning for both of these better than I). Anyway, Oxygen y Velo provided us with all the new kit we needed (thanks Nick for telling us where to find them!!), so we then began to try to set ourselves free from the basin / hell hole to a cyclist that is gay Paris…
The flat route to Orleans was blocked by far too many a hill in the morning, but just as the weather lifted to reveal a other extrordinaryily lovely day, we hit the countryside finally and were free of the hills from Entemps onwards… just about temps too!
Wolfie’s directions of “chuck a right at Entemps” required a bit more negotiation of it’s centre than we’d hoped, but it was worth it when we hit the right road leading out and were treated to a celebratory “in saddle dance” by the Wolf, which had us in fits (his Paris navigations the evening before nearly had us in different sorts of fits, hence the celebration of success, but I digress!)… It was at this point that Wolfie pulled out another stunning move, rapidly indicating right as we passed a hospital and mockingly pretending to throw himself from his bike with dramatic a little squeal! “Always looking for a way out!” was his later explanation!!
The remainder of the day was fast and flat. Working well as a trio and taking it in turns to “pull” at the front of our little train, we scythed through the French countryside on perfectly smooth tree lined roads with only tractors (and some fecking big lorries!) for company.
We covered he last 50 miles to Orleans in 3 hours (including breaks) – fantastic for morale!
Less good for morale was the fact that Orleans was fully booked due a festival and it took us nearly 2 hours to find hotels with any rooms… We may never see Wolfie again, his hotel was strangely close to the train station and he was last seen leaving his bike unlocked outside… Always looking for that get out!!
Thursday, 24th September
Day 5… left Orleans this morning without Gavin the Garmin (renamed seeing as Gizmo was so unlucky, but as you’ll tell from this entry, Gavin’s not working much better!) – Hock dashed back to retrieve it, thankfully it had been found by the cleaner when she vigorously unfurled the duvet and it flew across the room and slammed into the wall… great!
I didn’t return to the hotel with Jamie as my bag was too heavily laden with des croissants, des pommes, du pain, du jambon, du fromage et Nutella from their breakfast buffet… Well, if they’re going to rip us off for the last double room in town and not let Wolfie sleep on the (wooden) floor, we had to try to get some form of revenge!
It did backfire somewhat when they also handed Jamie two complementary packed lunches for us along with the Garmin, oopsie!
Lots of back road & flat road cycling through forests / woodland with barely any cars at all – the villages we passed through were equally eerily quiet, but we saw some absolutely stunning chateaux, just no-one around thouh… Tres bizarre…
As we tucked into our stolen and complementary lunch combo we called in a favour from The Fixer back in Londres – needless to say he sorted us out, as ever, and all was in place upon our arrival at the hotel this evening… What!? A room for 3 men is hard to get around these parts!!
Lunch was swiftly followed by a first for this trip… does a bear sh!t in the woods? Or a Wolf perhaps…? Anyway, enough about that!
Jamie’s double layer padded shorts effort was an absolute disaster and was abandoned when he got pins and needles In his feet! Not ideal for cycling!
Rolling roads led us towards St-Amand-Montrond, descent / ascent, descent / ascent, descent / ascent etc etc etc – thankfully “Jamie’s knee is fine” and “hasn’t caused him any problems at all today”… (that is what you told me to write, right Hock?!…) Gorgeous views dropping down into S-A-M, as they should have been after 1 last ba$tard climb over the final couple of miles of the day!
Dinner munched enthusiastically – potato encased in dough / Calzone pizza for the Hock, spag bolognog followed by pizza for me, steak and pasta for the wheat intollerent Wolf…! “Parfait” he lied upon it’s arrival!
French lessons worth mentioning:
“Merci pourquoi”… From the Hock… A “beaucoup” and an “au revoir” combo is his explanation… said to an elderly man who had wished us luck but told us that we must be taking it easy and that he could have done the trip in 5 days…
“… Look out for falling acorns, they are dangeroos” – pronounced like kangeroo… from the Wolf…
Anyway, have made it safe and sound to St-Amand-Montrond, that’s 500 miles done and over half way through France now…
PS can someone let us know if domain name “www.alotofarsepain.com” has been taken already?! We may have use for it soon, if not already!
PPS Wolfie’s legs look like a hairy FAB ice lolly due to tan lines and hairy pant / waxed leg lines! This was his announcement, not mine, therefore I am not bullying by mentioning this!
PPPS small print: we cannot be held responsible for repercussions arising from anyone actually typing www.alotofarsepain.com into any work or public computer!!
Jamie collecting his daily ar5e cream!!
Friday, 25th September
Day 6, Friday 25th Sept…
Left S.A.M. along twisting turning rolling Englishesque country roads in the cold mist / fog / cloud, bags fully laden with the breakfast buffet, again!
It all got a little “Blair Witch” at times today, but the dense mist and fog was perhaps a good thing as we couldn’t see the Massif Central fast approaching on the horizon – not until it was too late anyway!
Pretty tough going on the undulating ground but we still made good time none the less despite about 20 pee stops… I think Wolfie’s bladder must be the size of a ping pong ball, then again perhaps The Wolf was really just taking these opportunities to size up some of the livestock in the heart of the French farmland! Some video footage that The Hock took would seem to suggest that sheep were on the menu, judging by how his head was spotted peeping out from behind a tree, well off the road, amongst the undergrowth, stripped to the waist… downwards…?
The cold damp air had a similar cold damp effect on our spirits and we barely spoke for many a mile except for some occasional and very over enthusiastic “bonjouring” by us we went through the few and far between villages – Hock opted for a simple and effective accompanying smile and raised hand, whilst the “full arm wave” was my weapon of choice and the Wolf seemed to tag any other French word on the end, “bonjour mere” being one example shouted to a man hanging out of a window?! On the whole we were met with warm receptions, if we weren’t, “nous ne cemprendons pas”!
We approached our destination of Thiers (the cutlery centre of France, no less… yes, cutlery) and took on a 4km ascent into the village of grey industrial buildings and houses clinging desperately and depressingly to the steep hillside – a pretty downbeat place to say the least which became even more so when we realised that our hotel was in fact at the bottom of the hill afterall… The descent was at least fun, and our longest thus far… Wolfie was travelling at quite a lick having picked up a new set of knives, forks and spoons and beat us to the hotel by quite a diatance!
A strong day from the Wolf, leading from the front and picking our spirits up time and again when they were on the way down… Thanks mate!
An example for you: when Jamie’s headphone cable fell from his bag and nearly got caught I’m the wheel spokes, Wolfie cried – “shotgun in the ambulance with him!”
As the saying goes – when the going gets tough, The Wolf gets going!
Right, gotta go lie with our legs in the air for 15 mins now! (lactic acid draining don’t you know!?)
Massive respect to the Massive Central and whatever it has in store for us tomorrow!
Peace, out!
The irony of these 2 clowns standing beneath the sign for a circus that's just come to town should be lost on nobody!
Saturday, 26th September
Day “Seven” (said in the style of Len from Strictly Come Dancing!) -
Saturday 26th Sept…
Seeing an overcast day from our window, we selected our yellow “happy lenses” which instantly seem to make the weather cheer up to feel like a t-shirt day again, just as it had yesterday, despite the dull grey mist and chill.
We headed to a cycle shop so that Wolfie could ask for “un sac” for his bike… along with hand actions miming a sack… no joy… funny that!
Thankfully Wolfie’s French improved no end as he checked the route that we had Marked out on our map with the very helpful staff in the shop… Rolling up and down arm movements (mime for hills!) and the raised diagonal arm (mime for long or steep hills… or long AND steep hills as it transpired!) were used extensively throughout… Great!
Wolfie thanked them, asked if be could have a wee, and we left, armed with all we needed to take on the Massive Centrl – bandanas for the Hock (pink, naturlly) and I!
Very shortly we hit our first hill, a diagonal raised arm mime is most appropriate here! Bad choice of music from me on this first hill… A recent Ibizan upbeat dance mix suddenly included a background of a heart rate machine, flatlining, just when I felt like I might! Nice!
The new bandanas, thermal sleeves and legs came off at the top as sweat poured from us all! The descent was well worth it though, an amazing 65+km/hr 5+ minute epic! Lovely!
We then climbed up a river valley for the next hour or two but not before Wolfie had come out with this classic – “The Massive Centrl is like pasta, so good, but you know you shouldn’t!”!
With spirits raised that we were now somehow taking on mere “pasta”, we chuckled our way up the valley at a good tempo, passing some beautiful mountain villages en route.
Veiw to St Etienne just prior to arrival in Le Puys...(day 7)
We stopped at the top of the valley for a snack when Wolfie once again found hiself confronted by “The she devil – the pain au chocolat!” before stating that he’d rather be the donkey in the field aimlessly wandering or pecked to death by the eagle / bird of prey circling overhead than carry on cycling!! Needless to say, he pressed on first making “a bee-line for the Kings Head (pub in Le Puys) to have a Guin’” and left Hock and
I in hysterics (despite the all too apparent climb in front of us)!
After 85 miles and climbing to a top height of 3800 feet, and another horrendous climb i’m trying to block from my mind, we had one final awesome descent in to Le Puys en Velays with it’s stunning volcanic pillars thrusting skywards from the town’s teracotta rooftops crowned with Le Puys three ecclesiatical
landmarks bathed in early evening sunlight (a 10th century cathedral, a romanesque church and a massive cast iron statue of the Virgin Mary and Child – seeing as you ask!) – truely sensational!
A big day in the Massive Central, Hock is fully kitted out with team gear, but Wolfie's gone for the casual look today...
Day Se-VEN, done!
PS We’ve just realised how close we are to the sea – if everyone coming to greet us could possibly change their plans from St Troppers to Montpellier that would really help us out!! Chuckle chuckle
PPS Forgot to mention that yesterday we saw a pro cyclist training behind a guy on a moped – drafting about 6 inches behind to be precise! Amazing, you couldn’t even see him until we were virtually alongside as they came past us the other way to finally reveal some frantically pedalling legs just behind the scooter!
Almost equally amazing was the double length lorry that hammered past us at that moment, heavily laden with bails of straw – fortunately I adopted “the startled turtle” position, head tucked in (as taught by
the Hock) and knew everything would be ok as the truck weaved and wobbled dangerously into tbe distance under it’s heavy load.
Caption Competition!!
… Who’s face is this appearing on my leg?!?
Wolfie thinks Ray Charles, Hock thinks Stevie Wonder… Any other suggestions?!? I think it may be Gnarles Barkley, especially given how much I’ve been listening to “Crazy” on this trip – it just seems so perfectly apt!
Sunday, 27th September
Day 8, morning of Sunday 27th Sept…
Didn’t sleep well at all – perhaps because of Wolfie’s predictions that the Cruel Mistress (that’s what he’s now calling the Massive Central) has a big day planned for us today… I just hope that the paniers don’t feel like we’re towing Rick Waller up the MC today, as the Hock so perfectly summarised yesterday…
Will update ce soir with how we get on…
A bientot…
A hill to get out of Le Puys, what a surprise! And a fecking big one at that!
Wolfie was out of the saddle like a shot – i know he’d like me to reference Lance Armstrong at this point, but I can’t seem to get Michael Flatley out of my head as he riverdances his way up out of the valley!!
The steely grit and determination of the Hock and the sublime (albeit darker than dark!) wit and determination of the Wolf have been somehing to behold, especially today – a really tough morning of constant climbing up rolling hillsides into a considerable head wind couldn’t keep them down for long though, although one of my favourite points came mid-morning when I asked Wolfie in all seriousness how he was, I think you’ll agree that his response starts well, but his true feelings did come through just a tad towards the end – “I’m doing ok thanks… it’s just so repetative and soul destroying! This looks like a good tree to hang myself from!” thankfully, laughter followed, a lot of it, and I very nearly fell off my bike!
The issue was that the road was practically dead straight this morning, going literally straight OVER everything, not nicely around as per yesterday… The wind in our faces seemed to fight us all the way too! Rough, tough going.
We reached 4726 feet at the highest point today before stopping for some water and Pims jaffa cakes, mmmmm… Wolfie also made some new friends in the shop and bought up half the charcuterie on their recommendation! Mmmmm again! A delectable 11km long 10% gradient descent awaited us just around the corner which was thoroughly AWESOME!! Words here can’t do it justice, we’ll tell you all about it soon enough I’m sure, a real highlight!
We stopped for lunch shortly after this and struggled to keep the smiles from our faces, we’d well and truely left the rank morning trailing behind in our wake…
The scenic luncheon spot overlooked our fun downhill so that we could admire it further and our viewpoint also seemed to propise a lot more too, so much so that for once Wolfie didn’t even pretend to throw himself over the vertical cliff edge where we sat (eating quiche from Wolfie’s earlier hillside purhase!)!
The mountain delivered and some more downhill did indeed follow – we had finally lucked out with the timing of lunch and for once didn’t face the immediate uphill slog on a full belly!
The Centrale is massive!!
... But thankfully so are the descents... ... The squiggle in the distance is part of an 11km 10% downhill stretch that felt like a gift from the big man himself after a morning full of tough, tough, climbing!
Lunch, Day 8
Mmmmm, quiche... Mmmmm, meat... quiche + meat = MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm!!
Our afternoon continued downhill for the most part except for 2 really long nasty hills and a couple of tunnels on a “motorway”! An N road really, that we were allowed to be on, but I (regrettably) had a bit of a sense of humour failure (to say the least) and tried to get them over amd done with as fast as possible – which turned out to be with as much sweat as possible too as it transpired!
Job done, thankfully, and we had indeed made it out of the Massive Central (officially so, by the map) in very good time and by the best route – I tried to humbly, and subtly pick my toys up and put them back in my two wheeled pram hoping that nobody had noticed!
Late afternoon, we were now hammering it, still downhill, through spectacular vineyards, zoomed through where we were thinking of staying, past their one hotel and decided to just push on another 10km to the next place rather than turn back…
145km done and that’s how we’ve made it to some nuclear bomb test site… or a nuclear power station town… perhaps it’s lost intranslation, but anyway, it’s called Pierrelatte. Either way it
looks like the former, so we’ll bomb it out of here asap in the morning! Comfy hotel though.
All that bread and pasta finally catches up with the Wolf on day 8!!
PS Having just caught up on their own reading of this blog, Jamie and Wolfie would both very much like to hear any embarassing stories about me! Please feel free to add them to the comments of the blog or e-mail
either of them directly with suggestions!
Thanks! aawolfie@hotmail.com and jamiehockin@me.com respectively
Day 9… Monday 28th September.
There we were thinking that Wolfie was playing Russian Roulette taking on the pizza AND the bread rolls at dinner last night, but I seem to have taken one between the eyes (or a gutshot to be more precise) from the quiche, the charcuterie selection or the worst tuna steak I’ve ever eaten… ROUGH…!
So, bad start to the day for me for the aforementioned reason and the lack of sleep as a result, but spirits are very high elsewhere if Jamie and Wolfie’s early morning rendition of Backstreet’s Back is anything to go by!!?? Wolfie was also particularly on a high after “rice cakes” were on offer at breakfast!!? They are “AWESOME”, apparently!
Despite a fall from the bike and jamming my leg between frame and front wheel (somehow!?) before even leaving the hotel car park, we all got off to a flying start, motoring along at “near race pace” as Wolfie has now chosen to call it… Yes, he relly does think we are in a race now!
80km covered in 3 and a half hours before lunch, nice… “Now that’s real cycling!!” – yep, another comment from the Wolf! After a whole 5 months of it, and with one full month of that off the bike (due to self induced injury), The Wolf has claimed the “real cyclist” tag as his own!
The only thing that put us off our stride briefly this morning was a double length lorry that trundled all too slowly past us that, judging by it’s abhorrent stench, can only have been carrying death / pure evil itself – we all nearly threw up spontaneously as the foul taste hit the back of our throats! One suggestion, from Jamie, was that it may have been the maid from our last hotel taking he laundry from our room for incineration along with an abandoned / disowned pair of cycling shorts! Personally, I think it was the French rugby team off to training… I guess we’ll never know for sure…
Anyway… After a few checks of directions, and me falling off my bike again while trying to stop behind Wolfie, we headed on for lunch with Hock and I now desperately trying to stay one step ahead of he turbocharged Wolfie and le poo de chien that he’d just trodden on (in his clip in shoes!) whilst himself marking his territory in the French countryside! Funny, but utterly rank!
We stopped at a cafe in Carvaillon for a more leisurely lunch break than usual as we were a tad ahead of the game (having already hammered through where we intended to stay tonight, Orange, at 10:40 this morning!).
The suave sophisticated hip cafe owner had a high regard for Aix en Provance, so being kindred spirits and like minded chaps, we thought we’d head there for this evening’s stopover!
Fuelled by massive desserts, we set off for Aix at a slightly more sedate pace – Wolfie was even heard to be snoring at one point having ever so slightly over endulged at lunch… must have been the bread rolls that did it, can’t have been the ice cream!
Tough rolling landscape replaced the flat of the morning, and the going was a fair bit tougher until we heaved a collective sigh of relief on summiting the last hill to reveal Aix down below and in front of us…
It was at this point that I happened to notice a lone chicken by the side of the road and couldn’t help but wonder “has she already crossed the road? If so, why did she?” and various connortations of this theme, some in French, some FrAnglais… BUT… when I looked back at the road, only a few seconds later (surely I hadn’t been talking to myself for any longer than that?!) I was horrified by what I saw ahead of me!
My chuckling, smiling face (from laughing at my own nearly formulated jokes, naturally) vanished immediately and was replaced by one of sheer terror as I saw that our road had merged seamlessly with what appeared to be the fast lane of a MOTORWAY!
Worse still, Jamie and Wolfie were on it and I had no way of avoiding it!! We were now trapped, herded onto this thing and all doing about 60kmh downhill on a pothole filled N road with a car transporter lorry hurtling along between the 3 of us!! Think the M4 and M5 merging, on bikes, in the fast lane! Even though some way back from the other two, I could tell that Wolfie needed a new pair of cycling shorts!
Thank god an exit road appeared soon enough, we all managed to negotiate the 2 lanes of speeding traffic between us and it, and the overwhelming traffic noise wained behind us as we took it – finally I could catch up with the guys, take a deep breath and tell them about the chicken I’d seen!!
The cafe owner in Carvaillon was indeed right about Aix, lovely place, a gold star to him and one each for both Wolfie and Hock today, I just miss out, but great efforts all around methinks! We even allowed ourselves a couple of GuinAIX! (see what i’ve done there… apologies, that was a bad bad pun… groan…)
MMMMMMMMMmmmmmm, Guiness... MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm Aix en Provence!
PS Wolfie realised upon arrival at this hotel that he still had the key from the last one in his pocket – given today’s form I’m amazed he didn’t “pop back at race pace” to return it, only a 180 mile round trip afterall, he’d be back in time for pain au chocolats, croissants and toast!
Tuesday 29th September…
Day 10, could this be our last, would we need to use the contingency of half a day tomorrow as planned from the sart?!
A very positive mood over our pain au chocolats this morning, only 120km to go to finish today, one day earlier than we’d expected…
We psyched ourselves up a bit more for the day ahead with an impromptu MTv style party for 5 minutes or so in the little suite we’d allowed ourselves for what should be our last night on the road… The Hock was pulling out all his classic moves whilst Wolfie’s rhythm really has definitely returned with a vengance! Who’d have thought 10 days ago that he’d rediscover that on this trip?!
Aix had been a very generous host the evening before and the couple of Guiness’ we’d allowed ourselves whilst taking in the sights had wetted our appetites to celebrate “for real” that evening.
We made it out of Aix thanks to Wolfie’s directions once again (I think he truely believes that having such “exit strategies” somehow makes him Jason Bourne!). 80km of morning cycling passed by pretty inconspicuously, with the hills in the distance giving the only clue of what lay ahead! A couple of sizable uphill sections in the latter part of the morning did take their toll just before lunch, but a big descent took us in to La Luc where we would stop for our final lunch…
This place was weird! Think the banjo playing scene from Deliverance… Jamie compared it to Bridlington on Sea, I hope / suspect that may mean something to the Yorkshire contingent reading this?!
After being declined service at one bar restaurant by the owner and her son / husband / father / daughter, not really sure which nor what it was, the local sandwich shop owner kindly defrosted some baguettes for us in his microwave – Wolfie was thrilled!
“I can’t believe that I’m 40kms from the end of a 1600km trip and I’m contemplating taking a taxi” – Wolfie’s post lunch thoughts having inhaled a loaf of bread with a bit of ham, cheese and lettuce!
Pain (said in French) causing The Wolf pain (said in English)!
We set off on our final push to St Tropez knowing that barring disaster there was nothing to stop us completing our trip that afternoon… Or perhaps i should say nothing except disaster OR the massive hills just in front of St Tropez!
We took a right hand turn shortly after La Luc and saw for the first time signposts to “Saint-Tropez”… Someone has even graffitti’d a heart shape and “45mins” on it… We assumed it Would take longer par velo, and it did!
The road was now very much a country road winding towards the end of our journey… Rather disturbingly, and despite the obviously pretty significant hills rising in front of us, it was, however, still winding downhill, the road ahead hidden entirely amongst the pines lining the route…
No amount of Elbow’s “One Day Like This” nor Seal’s “Amazing” could dissipate the butterflys that we were all now feeling about this final obstacle in our path, not even 10Km from our finish!
We all attacked it as best we could, Kings Of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” now burst forth from my iPod and I knew that the top couldn’t be too far off… Not before the weary muscles in my legs and arse felt like they were on fire though, and those became the new lyrics that I belted out and pulled and pushed the pedals to!
I don’t know how long the climb took, but reaching an idyllic hilltop village and seeing throuh the sweat pouring from my brow some grey haired, pot bellied, Gauloise smoking, singlet vest wearing Frenchman playing boules, I knew that only downhill lay ahead…
With Wolfie and Jamie back in tow, we briefly chatted about nearly being knocked from the hillside by a speeding SLK and a truck respectively, then rolled ourselves on a tad further before starting a spectauclar sweeping descent towards St Tropez. It took all my restraint to not unclip my shoes from the pedals, hold them stuck out at right angles and to shout “WEEEE” all the way!!
On one tiny litte uphill stretch, the 3 of us overtook a white haired gentleman in his polo shirt and deck shoes on a clumsy looking mountain bike… all of 5 minutes later I heard Jamie burst out laughing just behind me as the same chap accelerated past us on a fast downhill section! I too laughed aloud also, especially at the sight of him flying past Wolfie and the double take that followed! We all nearly crashed at a roundabout that rapidly followed – I was so weak from laughing so hard that I could barely squeeze the brakes and we were all pretty lucky to stay on the bikes at all!
The speeding pensioner - moves considerably faster going downhill!!
The official “SAINT-TROPEZ” sign post finally greeted us, we slammed on the brakes, heaved a huge collective sigh of relief, shared some manly bear hugs (in our Lycra!), and snapped away with cameras and phones to mark the occasion, firing off e-mails and picture messages to loved ones and supporters alike to let everyone know that we had made it, and for once, we were even early!!
We made our way into Saint Tropez and to the portside bar of Cafe de Paris where we were now due to be meeting our welcoming party (who themselves were still travelling, airborne or by car to come meet us!).
It was very good of St Tropez to lay on a sailing regatta in our honour and the port was packed with spectacular boats and their crew alike! We fitted in like… errrrm… like… 3 sweaty cyclists!
We took up some prime seats and watched the sailing world go by, our heavily laden bikes and lycra clad bodies getting a few curious glances to say the least.
I’m not sure that mojitos were he smartest move, but the pain from the 10 days of cycling soon disappeared, permanent-smiles became lodged on our faces and we awaited our welcoming party!
Lalls and wife Harri were able to make it along pretty sharpish upon our early arrival from their local base just up the road in Parc Oasis and Charlie headed on over soon afterwards too as he was also in town holidaying already.
The Mortimer and Hockin parents found us having just bumped into each other in the car park, and our crowd was soon bustling with the arrivals Wolfie’s mother, Guy, Ben “the fixer”, and the WAGs (along with all their luggage straight from the airport!)!
Cafe de Paris champagne celebrations on arrival day!
As Gorgio Armani had unfortunately now taken our tables at Cafe de Paris, we found a lovely pizza restaurant along the port to invade for a delicious dinner, a couple of speeches, and a lot of laughter!
Team Photo - arrival evening, 1 day ahead of schedule...
It was then early to bed at a sensible hour, naturally, given that the planned celebrations were still half a day away, at Les Salines, for lunch tomorrow… i.e. when we should have arrived!!
Wednesday 30th September – Celebration day!! Also, our original / planned arrival date!
So, we’d made it, half a day early – those were the first thoughts that went through my head, almost immediately after wondering “where the hell am I and where the hell are Wolfie and Jamie?”! I’d woken up in a hotel room intended for 2 people, with Charlie (a very tall German), Ben the fixer (a very tall media darling), and Guy (who was supposed to have the child’s bed that I was now happily occupying!)!
Evidently our night was not quite as restrained as I thought that I recalled, but at least I had changed out of my lycra after dinner!
Once I had got my bearings and drank half a dozen litres of water, it occured to me that today was “the real celebration day” and that we were due to be at Les Salines (a lovely beach and restaurant just outside Saint-Tropez) in an hour or so! Oops!
A not so quick turnaround by the fellas and myself saw us arrive last at the restaurant where our party from the previous evening had now been joined by another of Jamie’s oldest school friends, Nimzy, as well as Lucy (an ex-girlfriend / ex ski seasonnaire pal / drinking buddy of Wolfie, Jamie and I, in no particular order!), who’s folks have a conveniently placed holiday house here in the South of France, fully prepared for my rest and recuperation, I hope!
Celebration lunch, the day after our arrival, @ Les Salines
So, with numbers up a tad on the night before, hangovers to cure with food (of the steak tartare flavour) and wine (of the rosé variety), and a few cycling tales to tell and re-tell, we settled in for an utterly delicious lunch and an extensively elongated afternoon session of joviality and laughter!
A delightful spot to spend the afternoon soaking up the perfect weather and marveling at the amazing boats sailing past in the Saint Tropez regatta.
We also found ourselves marveling / taken aback at the amazingly surreal sight of a mini fashion show encircling the restaurant tables every few minutes! A nearby beach stall was utilising the unique selling points of a certain model to “catwalk around” (in silence) and drum up some business – this quickly turned to ridicule from certain members of the party, especially when she moved from the summer to autumn collections, but those binoculars (for boat watching) did seem to be pointing inland on more than one occasion… mentioning no names, naturally!
Having been wondering about the Swedish and Portugese flags flying at the restaurant, Charlie used this as his “way in” to chat up the delectable bar girl who also turned out to be the half Swedish half Portugese daughter of the restaurant owner. With his blessing (we’re assuming!) she kindly offered 2 of us a lift into town (anything to get rid of us, finally, from the now empty restaurant), in her Mini… The 6ft 4 Charlie jumped at the chance, as did the 6ft 3 and three quarters Ben, purely to scupper Charlie’s romantic advances no doubt, OR purely for the comedic effect of 2 very tall guys in a Mini with a very tall girl!
Either way, it saved us a cab fare, and our numbers had swelled by 1 further when the Portu-Swede chose to remain with the party long into the evening… Taking a particular shine to Charlie, or so I’m told…?!
So, after some 22 bottles of rosé over lunch, that was how we found ourseves back in the hustle and bustle of the port at St Tropez, and back at our favourite table outside Cafe de Paris again!
Team photo night 2 in St Troppers...
A magnum of (cham)”poo” appeared (I can only assume that Nimzy is responsible given his track record!), and then another (bar reciepts found the next day would later reveal this to have been my doing!), so thank goodness for the caricature man, his pad and his charcoal for distracting us from the booze for a brief respite as he scrawled the 3 cyclists likenesses…
Or at least that was what we expected him to do! The drawing however appears to be a picture 3 total strangers! Very funny, but I hope he has a day job too, one that he should definitely commit more time and effort to! (evidence below!)
This is what we really looked like...
... but this is what l'artist saw...!?!?!?
I believe that it must / may / was perhaps around about this time that the sober driving fathers took the high spirited mothers home and us kids escalated the evening to another level… just 1 floor above Cafe de Paris to the hotel bar. I took it upon myself to have a powerkip at this stage, but I understand that everyone else had a great time! Several of the boat crew that Lucy was chatting to / up simply didn’t believe that we had cycled all the way from London, so she turned to me (still wearing my ridiculous cycling cap) and asked me to answer any question about the trip that would convince them that she was indeed telling the truth – “What make and type bicycles were you riding?” was fired my way, Lucy knew that she was about to be vindicated and that she could throw the “liar” accusation back in his face… I simply shrugged, mumbled “I dunno” and promptly dozed off again… sorry Lucy!
So, that’s it really, job done, London to Saint-Tropez conquered, some £23,000+ and counting raised thus far between The Candlelighters and Marie Curie Cancer Care – not bad for 3 guys who didn’t even own bikes until April, May and June this year respectively!
All that remains is for us to once again thank all our supporters for inspiring us to take this challenge on and for helping us to accomplish it, half a day early no less, and with generous donations still pouring in, THANK YOU ALL!!
In the words of The Wolf, “London 2 Saint-Tropez, you’re gaaaaawwwwwnnnnn!!!”
PS not one single puncture for me, WOO HOO!!
PPS a MASSIVE thank you to Wolfie and Jamie for navigating us the whole way! I know that I sort of contributed in some small way by buying a map, but thank you both SO MUCH for using that map (along with the iPhone Googlemaps!) and getting us (i.e. me!) so successfully from London to Saint Tropez!! Although, where would we have been without the directions from that ESSO garage worker on day 6 (when I bought the map) - “Turn right at the Elf garage, continue until you pass the Esso garage on your left and take the next left after you pass the Blue Elephant car wash on your right…” pure genius, a petrol station attendant not naming a single street, instead directing us out of town purely by way of other petrol stations and car washes! If i hadn’t had to leave the shop due to getting the giggles, I wonder if he could have given directions in this manner all the way to St Tropez… I guess we’ll never know!?
PPPS – a rather personal one from me, Alex, but it’s easier to write these things than say them aloud sometimes… having written a fair bit of this blog and mocked / poked fun at / taken the piss out of both Wolfie and Jamie to varying degrees throughout, I just want to take this opportunity to say what a privaledge it has been to experience this journey with them – I hope that amongst the scribblings above it has been evident that I have a huge amount of respect for these two and have absolutely loved these past 10 days especially, but if it hasn’t, I want to make certain that it is made clear now.
Jamie, your will, determination and sheer guts at seeing this through with your knee being in the shape it was (from day 2!), was simply staggering.
Wolfie, overcoming your doubting inner demons of the early part of the trip to lead us with such enthusiasm and conviction over the latter parts of the trip was utterly amazing to behold.
You were both inspirational!
Thank you also for so many amusing and entertaining memories that I’ll carry with me for a long long time!
loadsa love, AL
Hi all, Jamie here, just wanted to add my 2 pennies worth in to what Al has been saying over the last few months, but especially over the last 10 days.I’m not sure if there is a lot more to tell you about, as I think we have covered it off through the blog, but my personal favourite was the speeding pensioner story so eloquently written by Al, I can’t tell you how funny it was that he was going sooo slowly up this hill and then soooo quickly down it! That was genuinely the only time I thought I may fall of my bike and then seeing Alex’s shoulders bumping up and down from laughter and then the Wolf’s look of amazement/confusion when he undertook him at approx 50k’s an hour on a roundabout will be with me for a long time!
Arriving in St Tropez was a truly surreal experience, sitting outside Café de Paris drinking a beer (leathered by 3, btw) and realizing what we have achieved. I don’t think it totally sunk in what we had done while we were there, but it was actually sitting at my desk this morning while people were asking me “if I had made it?”…(ermmm of course we effing made it, it was never in question, even if it had taken 3 weeks and we had to carry our bikes over the bloody Massif Central we would have made it!) that I worked out how far we had come physically, mentally and emotionally. Cycling for 10 hours a day became the norm, icing our aches and pains every evening, putting that (my mother will read this so I can’t use the word that I want to use) flipping knee brace on every morning (after Alex and Wolfie had drawn straws to see who would dress the blisters on the back of my knee from where it rubbed), Alex strapping his leg, Wolfie eating paracetamol like they were sweets to make sure that he didn’t suffer too much from the back and shoulder pains and god knows what else…! But as you all know, from reading why we did this in the first place, all these were minor problems in relation to what our sisters (and of course, Mum and dad, Linda and Graham) went through. Cycling for 10 days is not hard, I’m not playing it down as I know we achieved a great thing, but in comparison it was nothing and as Al said on Tuesday evening, we both wished we didn’t have to do it. But we did and I am amazingly proud of all 3 of us.
I would briefly like to mention Wolfie at this point, as I know all of you (and us!) have been laughing at his unfortunate wheat intolerance and the hilarity that ensued from him eating the “cruel mistress” (bread/pasta etc)…, but Wolf didn’t have a reason to do this, unlike myself and Al, and just did it to support his mates (and reduce his waistline, which I can assure you you have achieved mate!), to experience something amazing and have an experience he could look back on and say – “yep – I cycled the length of France”. But the maturity, and determination that he possessed to come back after dislocating his shoulder 4 weeks before we left was astounding. You will have read above that Wolf did find the first couple of days quite hard, mentally, as he was trying to work out if we had enough time to actually do what we said we would, but from leaving Paris he was nothing, but brilliant. His dancing (soon to be posted on youtube) while wearing a sleevless lycra top and padded lycra shorts while standing on the side of the road in Northern France and his comment to Alex when he said he was “ok – but would still like to hang himself from the tree by the side of the road to end the pain” was pure comedy genius! As Al has said it is easier to write this sort of stuff down so I just wanted to say Thank you for being a great mate and making the last couple of weeks an experience that I will never ever forget…France you’re Gaaawwwwwnnnn!
Obviously I would like to thank Al ( on behalf of you all, I understand due to the response on the blog/texts/facey etc) for writing the above every night, especially when you would ask us both “Guys, can you think of anything else that I may have missed?” and 2 responses of snoring greeted you each time you did ask! A great GREAT effort and I can say on behalf of us all…IT recruitment? Really?? You are wasted…..
On a serious note, as I am sure we will just get home tonight and grunt at each other and say “yeah – awesome time, mate” and that will be it, I just wanted to say what a joy it was doing that with 2 of my best mates. Not 1 cross word (well, not a serious one anyway!) in 10 days of cycling is a credit to our friendship. As you say, I wish we hadn’t have to do it, but I am glad I did with you guys.
Thank you to everyone who read this/supported us/came to greet us in St T (!)/ made us laugh/encouraged us all the way, we can’t articulate properly how much it means to us all.
Until next time…yeah right.
Au revoir
J x
And so, i suppose, to the Wolf
Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who has supported us in this venture, for the money donated, the sponsorship of kit, and the moral support from friends and family…. without which I would have been able to sneak off weeks ago! Thank you one and all, it means a huge amount to all of us.
As you have no doubt read, I have had a few obstacles to contend with along the way. A foolish ‘Mark Cavendish-esque’ no hands moment, led to a dislocated shoulder 4 weeks before kick off, which was not much fun for anyone concerned. And by the time we did set off, it was blatantly obvious that I was neither physically nor mentally matchfit. Alex and Jamie’s patience and encouragement were the only things that got us to Le Bateau in Dover, and if I’d had the strength, it’s entirely possible that the bike would’ve gone ‘dans le mer’.
However, the thought of three grown men, waxed legs, permanently wearing lycra and sharing a room for 10 days, was exactly what I needed to ‘crack on’. And so into France…… The Land of the Pain au Chocolat (that sweet sweet she-devil).
So many challenges and hysterical moments, most of which have been brilliantly described above by Al, will stay with me for a long time.
A highlight, which I have to mention, was the ‘Massif Centrale’. A constant worry in the back of mind for the first 6 days, The massif, much like pesto pasta, or olive baked bread, was a cruel temptress. So so good, but punishing with every mouthful….i mean mile. Climbing almost 5000ft, with every pedal stroke, that one turn closer to The Men’s Health front cover, was an epic achievement.
The whole experience was absolutely unbelievable, and I am honoured and privileged to have done it with Alex and Jamie. Thank you both for the experience and for getting me through the first 3 days, and encouraging me to find my rythm again….(videos to follow i believe).
As both the guys have said, the idea and reason for this trip came from two tragic events which I cannot begin to imagine, and wish that it was not necessary to do this trip at all.
Alex, Jamie – having spoken to both your families, and from my own personal opinion, you should be incredibly proud of what you have achieved, the reasons for doing it, and the memory and spirit with which it was done.
Thank you for letting me do my bit, and I look forward to the next adventure.
Wolfie
x
Loving the kit!
Please please can you sing that song tonight AND have it recorded on video camera!
Go, go, go boys! Best of luck! x
Sorry Alex, I got lost trying to find the Spencer Arms pub on Sunday morning, was driving around in circles, did get to Putney Bridge eventually, about an hour later! Hope you have loads of fun in France!
I can feel your pain- almost as bad as organising our 3D roadshow
-keep it up boys
It sounds absolutely grim and since you are scared of the dark i imagine you must be quite frightened!?
On a slightly more serious note the TGV leaves Paris for Nice at 7.40 tomorrow morning. Apparently it only takes for 4.5 hours and costs £105, it says for that they even give you free beer, peanuts and a thigh rub!
Details below:
PARIS GARE LYON – 24/09/09 07:46 NICE VILLE – 24/09/09 13:17
Keep pedalling guys – a massive effort. Sorry i cant be their to congratulate you at the other end.
Cheers
It has been great to keep up with your daily news. Sounds all too painful for words though! On the home run now and all downhill!!
Take care of yourselves. Keep rubbing on the cream…
Loads love to you all
Liz & Brian
Keep up the amazing effort boys, nearly there now! Hilarious blog xx
Good work boys.
Sounds like it is tough, but fun.
Just arrived in St Tropez, and pleased to report that it is 30 degrees, and perfect sunshine.
The boats are in the harbour, and it is pretty busy.
Keep pedalling, and see you in a few days.
Not (too) long to go now…. Although I imagine 3 days probably seems like 3 weeks!!! Amazing effort guys……. Keep it up!!!
All the best
James
…. Oh…. On the Face / Leg thing….. It has to be Kryten from Red Dwarf!!!
What a great story – well done guys. St Tropez doesn’t know what it’s in for!!
Can’t think who your leg looks like – except perhaps “Miss Piggy”
Incidentally, Graham would have been great at giving you tips as to how to get round Montpellier!!
Inspiring stuff boys – keep it up, not long to go!!!!
Great work boys, but i can help think you should extend the trip, as there some lycra clad comedy gold coming from the blog! St Petersburg perhaps?
Guys, i know i haven’t sponsored you yet, but i promise i will on your completion! Good luck and not far to go now!! Keep the wheels turning…
Hi guys….. Having completed 1000 miles for charity, I just wanted to say congratulations…. Amazing!!!
On the leg thing…. Still bugging me… Erm…… Eddie the Eagle Edwards maybe??
Its amazing that you have now completed the ride .The 3 of you looked so fresh when we all met in St Tropez on the Tuesday evening. 24 hours later you looked tired so clearly a long lunch was more exhausting than a 1000 mile cycle ride!
Jennie and Jo will have been mighty proud of you, as of course all of us are.
Hope the arse and legs are starting to feel a bit more normal! Amazing to have read through the blogs to hear about the adventure. Amazing effort! Hope it’s not too late to get the sponsorship in….so so worth it. Well done! Love Pip and Hackett X
Well done boys. very inspiring and I really admire your courage and tenacity. Clare x
Congratulations.
Amazing achievement, you should feel very proud!!
(Meant to leave a message with my donation, but it went wrong)…xx